How Many Times?

For Real, How Many Times Per Week is it Normal to Freak Out/Cry/Scream When you Look at your Student Loans That You are About to Start Having to Pay Off?

Ten times per week?

Fifty?

Please, let me know.

I'm asking for a friend...

In all seriousness, once those loans start looming it gets pretty scary for a recent college grad. It makes me wonder if maybe getting a degree in Creative Writing wasn't the best idea, or if I needed college at all. 

It makes me wonder if living like Jack Kerouac, traveling America on trains and making friends along the way and drinking too much and sleeping under the stars wouldn't be all that bad.

And honestly, when I write it like that it makes the whole Jack Kerouac life sound even more enticing. 

But my life isn't that bad. Even if I just write it how it is: I'm 27-years-old and I just got a job in property management. This job gives me half-off rent if I live on-site, which would be Loring Park in Downtown Minneapolis. So I'm moving downtown, where I've wanted to live for years, and paying virtually nothing for rent. Also, I'm writing on the side and trying to find freelance jobs and steady part time writing work. 

It's not so bad, I know. I'm privileged even. But those loans, man. 55K. Seriously.

It makes me wonder if it was all worth it. 

But then I think, I'm only wondering this when I look at the number. That big, ugly, glaring, ominous number that I imagine has sharp teeth and looks like a combination of this and this (don't click on these if you are creeped out by insects and weird looking fish). 

And the rest of the time, when I think about the friends I made, the memories that were had, and what I learned about life, myself, and the outside world, I realize that it was absolutely worth it. 

I know what was just said is kind of cheesy. But that's okay, sometimes I'm cheesy but I promise it comes out of earnestness. Also, I think that is the first time I used "earnestness" in a sentence and, honestly, I feel pretty great about it. 

But it does, it comes full circle. I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today if it weren't for my decision to go to college and take out some student loans. Yeah, I'm at low-paying entry level job (with great perks, though), and yeah the student loans are looming, but I'll make it through, somehow. If I have to crash on couches, move back in with the mom, whatever, I'll make it and I wouldn't trade memories/friends/experiences for anything, even though sometimes it seems like it would be worth it to trade them for getting out of student loan debt. 

I'll get by, and new opportunities will open up, and I'll find a new, better paying job where paying off my loans won't be as big of a deal.

And so will you.

I promise.

And yes, this might be overly positive and cheesy, but this is the stuff I need to tell myself, and maybe this is the stuff that you need to tell yourself. If it works it works, right?

In the words of Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine, "You do what you love, and fuck the rest." 

Live smart, yes. Live responsibly, yes. Learn how to be smart financially, yes. But don't let anything stop you from chasing what you love. 

This Kind of Slid Away From Me, But I Get to the Point Eventually

Stevie Nicks is on the Television and I'm About to Tell You Where I've Been

She is singing "Landslide" and I'm getting the chills and I don't know why. I've heard that song a million times. It's one of those clichè tracks that they play at college graduations and during films that just don't know any better. 

But it still makes me feel those things people refer to as "emotions." Maybe it's because Autumn is upon us. I always feel more in the Autumn; memories are more vivid and people and relationships from my past seem to twirl around my consciousness more often. It's a season for nostalgia, reminiscing. 

So maybe that explains it. Or maybe it's just a timeless song. A piece of art that will last forever and will, until the end of time, always have some sort of effect on people. 

An everlasting work of art. That sounds nice doesn't it? That sounds like something many artists and writers strive for: timelessness.

But what makes something timeless? What do you think? Is it that the work captures a certain period of time? Has a certain melody? Uses language in a unique manner? Should we strive for this, or just keep writing what's in our hearts and hope it lasts?

I really don't know. In fact, I know less after I wrote all of those questions. But I'm totally okay with that.

Anyways, I'm getting way off track. 

Where have I been? That's what this post is about.

I've been working on a story AND sending previously written stories out into the world.

All of this is terrifying.

I haven't written a short story in forever, and it's scary coming back to it, I don't know why. But it's incredibly, wonderfully cathartic and relieving. I'm so happy to be back, but until I'm done, I may only get around to one post on here per week.

I do hope that's okay.

Bottom line: I've been busy. Hence the fast traveling car picture at the top. But I really enjoy writing in this blog, regardless of how many people read it. And I will continue to do so, and continue to update you, the lovely reader, on where I'm at in life. 

Books That Have Messed Me Up the Most (In a Good Way) ((Part II))

It's Been Awhile

Hi again.

I've missed you.

Sorry I haven't updated this in awhile.

Please forgive me!

I have been working on a new short story (!!!) that has taken up much of my time. I've also been working on freelance writing assignments, attempting to get paid for my words here and there. I do enjoy doing freelancing, I do, but not as much as I like writing these blogs and working on short stories. I'm trying to work on the writing that I like more than the writing that I make money off of - but I do need to pay the bills. And my 1998 Ford Taurus station wagon with a semi caved-in roof and a passenger side door that barely opens is not going to last forever. 

I'm going to miss that thing.

Also, here is a picture of a book on incredibly green grass. For some reason it makes me miss summer even though it isn't completely gone yet.

You ever miss something that isn't even gone yet?

Anyways, onwards, ever onwards.

Last week I had started a list about the books that have affected me the most. This week, I will continue that list! I would love to hear if anybody has read any of these books and/or has their own that have really spoken to them. 

If not, just reading this is more than enough! Here we go.

3) The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger 

I know I might get a lot of flak for this choice. It is the cliche, dead-white-guy novel that people have understandably become sick of. Talked about too much, Holden Caulfield seems a bit too whiny, and nothing really happens are the common complaints that I hear about this 1951 book. 

And you know what?

I completely understand those complaints.

But that doesn't stop this book from meaning a lot to me. When I first read The Catcher in the Rye I hadn't heard any of the gripes about it. And I'm glad I hadn't. (On a different note - I think sometimes it's good to go into a book completely blind, because I know if I would have heard the criticisms my experience would have been different. Obviously I had heard about the book, but not much as I hadn't yet forayed into the literary world). 

So I went in blind. This was during the summer of 2011 when I was drinking too much, incredibly irresponsible, and hadn't quite grown into the person I am now. I would party for about a week straight, and when I was coming down, nervous, anxious, scared, the only thing that would keep me sane during that period was reading this book. 

I would sit outside in the summer heat for hours on end and read and read until I was calm enough to go about my day and attempt to be productive. 

I didn't necessarily feel like I was Holden, but I could empathize with him, and his lonely journey through the underbelly of New York City helped me through many days, until I was finally able to get my shit together. 

So that's why The Catcher in the Rye is on the list.

4) The Lover by Joy Williams 

Okay - this is kind of cheating since it's a short story rather than a novel.

But oh, it's such an amazing short story!

This was the first story I had to read for my Fiction II class at Hamline (or was it Fiction I? My memory--so terrible sometimes) and I remember being completely blown away. 

The unnamed protagonist named "the girl" goes about her days in a dreamy, warm haze and the words Williams use to describe her journey are absolutely incredible. 

There is this one part that I underlined that I was so taken by: "On Action Line, someone is saying, 'And I live by the airport, what is this that hits my house, that showers my room on takeoff? We can hear it. What is this, I demand to know! My lawn is healthy, my television reception is fine but something is going on without my consent and I am not well, my wife's had a stroke and someone stole my stamp collection and took the orchids off my trees.' The girl sips her bourbon and shakes her head." 

This was the line that got me, and I became enamored with the lush, dark beauty in many of William's stories. 

And That is All

Again, I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this list!

I will try to do better at keeping up with my goal of two posts a week.

I hope you enjoyed the list and I look forward to hearing some novels/stories that have affected you.

Now, it's time to work on my new short story.

But first, I need to research turtles. 

Books That Have Messed Me Up the Most (In a Good Way)

Books and Those Weird Little Things Called Feelings

You ever read a book that just gets inside of your head? A book that, after you are done reading it, you feel differently than you were before you picked it up?

You ever read a book that just changes you? Your life? Your thoughts on the world?

If your answer is "No, good sir, I do believe that I have no idea whereupon what thou art speaking of," then please see items numbered 1-4 on this list and read the hell out of them.

If your answer is "Oh. My. God. Yes, I know exactly what you mean," then tell me what they are! I'm curious because I've read many books that have, in my own words, messed me up, and I'd like to see what they are for other readers. I think it's interesting that certain books can affect people in different ways, and I love to hear the stories of how people were changed after reading one of these.

Here are the books that have affected me the most over the years.

1) Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

This was one of the books that got me into reading the "classics." The story is simple: Books are banned in the future and fireman, instead of putting out fires, burn books that civilians are hiding. These same civilians are encouraged to watch large screen televisions, speed in their vehicles, and constantly enjoy themselves instead of taking time out of their day to slow down and appreciate the world. One of these firemen, Guy Montag, meets a young girl (who has some of the greatest lines in the book) and starts to question his work. 

It's a really simple premise - but it's absolutely beautiful and breathtaking to read.   There are so many quotable lines, including the very first sentence: "It was a pleasure to burn." I always tell anyone that I let borrow this book to highlight, underline, and circle the lines they like the most. Why? I don't really know. I just think it's fantastic to reread the highlighted, underlined, and circled book and find new lines and dialogue that I may not have noticed the first dozen or so times I read the novel.

I don't know why this book spoke to me so much, but I think it had to do with the setting around me while I was reading it for the first time. It was autumn, and I remember reading Fahrenheit 451 out on my deck, smoking a cigarette in the warm autumn sunlight. I felt, for lack of better words, alive after I was done reading it for the first time. It made me recognize things in the world--trees, leaves, roads, clouds--that I didn't pay much attention to before. It made me different, and that's why this is one of the books that I put on the list.

2) House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

This book... just wow. I'm not going to explain it much because I'd rather you find out what the book is all about for yourself. I will give you one piece of advice, though: Keep with it. It may be complicated and a hard read at times, but I promise it will pay off in the end. 

Or maybe don't read this book at all. 

Because, honestly, it freaked me out, and I have no idea why. I remember reading it late at night, again in the autumn, inside a town home in suburban wonderland Champlin, Minnesota. I was always alone when I was reading this book, and I felt a mixture of terror and intrigue. I would go outside for occasional cigarette breaks and the world looked alive and breathing; it was almost like I was in a hallucinatory state. This book was like an experience. It was terrifying and dazzling at the same time, and this feeling I had while reading it, this feeling that I'm trying so hard (but probably failing) to convey stuck with me for weeks after I was finished with the novel. 

Cigarette breaks in the crisp fall air were a different experience during those months. Things, inanimate objects, seemed to be alive--I felt alive. Everything felt alive after I read House of Leaves.

If this sounds crazy it's because it probably is!

I literally have no explanation for it. 

All I know is that this book affected me in a hugely enormous way and I have no idea why. 

The End (For Now)

Anyways, even writing about those books took me back to the times when I first read them. Pretty crazy huh? I promised that I would include four books on this list but since I wrote so much about these two, I will save the final two books for a later post.

In the meantime, what books have really screwed you up? 

A Love Letter to the City of Minneapolis

A Way to Find Some Inspiration

So today, after work, I had to run to the tobacco shop to get some Camel Blue cigarettes (I know, smoking is bad - I should quit and I know it's bad for me and all that jazz). 

My office is in Loring Park right down the road from the Orpheum. 

For those of you unfamiliar, here is a quick key:

Loring Park = Place in Minneapolis

Orpheum = Big Theatre Place

Anyways, I had to walk several blocks down Hennepin Ave to get to the tobacco shop. The weather was perfect: Mid-70s, sunny, slightly breezy, and the tall, steel Minneapolis buildings cast shadows all around me as I strolled casually through the busy streets. 

It was only about a 30 minute walk in total, but it was perfect. The Atmosphere lyric came to mind: "And it hit me, Minnesota is dope..."

But the thing is - I've always loved Minneapolis, I've always loved my hometown city. But this was different -- IT WAS DAYTIME. And I realized, I hadn't really ambled around this wonderful city in the daylight like this before.

I promise I'm not a vampire. I've just mainly experienced Minneapolis during the evening/late night. And it was different during the day. There were men in suits walking next to homeless people; there was punks and joggers, bicyclists, cabs, busses. There were women in heels, young professionals, people laughing with their friends, shirtless, eating from a shared Davannis box. There were yells and sirens, horns honking, brakes of busses screeching. 

It was beautiful. It made me look at Minneapolis in a different light (literally). It made me even happier to live here.

And also (I had it planned all along for this to come full circle back to writing-related stuff, I promise!) it inspired me; not only to write this blog, but also to write stories and poems. 

I realized--and this is one of the reasons I wanted to blog this--that this is an incredible way to get out of the writer's block that I was talking about a few days ago. Go explore a place that you only go during the day or during the night; go explore it during the opposite time, see what it's like, note your changes, and maybe, just maybe, this will turn into something.

Writer's Block and Selling Your Soul to the Devil

A Total Bummer of a Secret

So I have a confession to make:

I haven't finished a short story in over two months (!!!).

I know. Preposterous, mad, insane!

Don't be angry with me. I have been writing - I promise! I just haven't finished anything. 

Does that still count as writer's block? What would you say? I've been writing random poems, excerpts, confessions, but nothing that I've fully finished, and it kind of bums me out. Yet, I know that many writers have it much worse off than me, possibly not even being able to get a word onto the page. So, in an attempt to help both you and I, I'm going to list some ideas for getting out of this writer's block mess.

List of Ideas to Help Us Get Out of This Writer's Block Mess

Devote a certain amount of time a day to writing

This one seems self-explanatory. But, in the past, I have found that this can be the most helpful when I can't write. Forcing myself (preferably at the same time every day) to write for an hour or two daily can help loosen up those fingers and let some of those brain waves flow. Even if what you are writing is garbage - keep doing it! Eventually something good will come out.

Know that the writer's block will go away

This has helped me in the past before, too. I've had to stifle the voice in my brain saying, "You can't write anything now! This means you'll never be able to write anything ever, ever again, you fool!" THIS VOICE IS A LIAR. The writer's block WILL pass. You've been (hopefully) writing for a long time now - and if there is one thing that you should have learned, it's that you (as well as myself) can't stay away from writing for too long. This thought is good to think about because, at least for me, it helps get rid of some of that anxiety.

Writing prompts, yo

I'm not going to lie, for the longest time I thought that writing prompts were super lame. This was probably a point in my life where I thought I was super edgy or something, I don't know. I don't really want to think about it. But, after taking many writing classes at Hamline, I've learned that writing prompts can be super helpful. Some of the writing that I'm most proud of lately has come from prompts, so don't be afraid of these. A quick Google search will lead to a wealth of ideas to choose from.

Write some flash fiction

I guess this tip is a bit more personal (and kind of cheating in my case). But writing flash fiction helps to give me the feeling that I actually finished something - which helps me feel accomplished, which helps motivate my writing. So maybe it is an illusion, but we need to do whatever it takes right? Write some flash fiction and go from there! Either leave the finished piece alone or use it as a guide to create a lengthier work. 

And that's all I have for now. What are some ideas you have to get rid of the 'ol writer's block? Obviously my list is super small, so I would love to hear some other ideas!

The Selling Your Soul to the Devil Part of This Title

So lately I've been trying out websites like BloggMutt and Scripted.com and WritersAccess.

I've been contemplating if this is equivalent to selling my soul.

For those of you that don't know, these websites generally have you choose from several different topics and write a blog (length varies) that a company will use. I guess another word for it is Ghost Writing. The companies pay the site and the site pays the writers - usually a small amount (but it can turn out to be a lot if you dedicate large amounts of time to it).

It seems odd, I know. Because as writers we are often trying to make a name for ourselves; to discover our own voice, write about what we want, and hope other people find joy in it as well. But this is different because there are often strict guidelines, and you mostly have to pick from a list of topics instead of writing about what you want.

Keep in mind that I've just begun to dabble in these sites, so I don't know if the explanations of them are 100% accurate - but I think they are at least pretty close.

Anyways, let's get to the bottom line--

Bottom line:

I'm intrigued. I went to school for writing. I've written blogs and book reviews. I've written short stories and poems. So why not get paid for it? That's my thought process. I can write for other people about things I don't necessarily want to write about, and than write my own stuff on the side. At least that's the conclusion I've come to. But I'm wondering, what do you think about these websites? Have you had any experience with them?

Byebye

So that's all for my second blog post. It was quite lengthy wasn't it? I guess I had a lot on my mind. At the end of the day, even though I still have so many unanswered questions about the writing world, I've figured out one thing: I love writing, and I will continue to do it for the rest of my life. This seems like a simple and boring thought - but it's not to me, it's comforting to know that I'll be dedicated to writing for the rest of my life, no matter how many blocks of the writer variety I run into, and no matter how many questions I have.

First Post Ever (!)

The Boring Stuff

Hey guys and girls. My name is Justin Christensen and I suppose you could say I'm an aspiring writer (I'll update my profile information later - I'm still getting used to using this website and Google+).

I went to Hamline University (In Saint Paul, Minnesota) where I received a BFA in Creative Writing with a Minor in English. I have two blog posts published on Hamline's fantastic undergraduate literary journal, Runestone, and one short story published in THAT Literary Review issue #1. I also have quite a few articles published in Hamline's Student newspaper, The Oracle.

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

It sounds like a lot of bragging. I promise I'm not trying to brag! I'm just trying to tell you who I am in the context of the writing world!

I promise, I swear!

My professors told me not to use too many exclamation marks in my writing, so I will attempt to avoid that in the future. But I just needed to get a point across, yeah?

Also, I'm from the Twin Cities - lived here my whole life. I hope to move someday for a couple years but I love Minneapolis/St. Paul and can definitely see myself coming back.

What I Hope to Accomplish With This Blog

So the boring stuff is out of the way. Kind of.

I wanted to start a blog to report on my journey trying to make it as a successful writer. I'll cover my efforts to get freelance writing gigs, as well as my attempts to get some stories published. Don't even worry, I will definitely include all of my failures - that's sometimes fun to hear about, isn't it?

I also may randomly include some random amateur food reviews, strictly because I think it would be hilarious to review things like Wendy's chicken nuggets and Yoplait yogurt.

But mostly this will be a blog about an aspiring writer trying to make it in the writing world. I'm hoping others can relate/identify with my trials, and maybe someday we can all help each other out and give each other tips to make it on this cruel, cruel (but kinda beautiful sometimes) planet.

So before we succeed together, let's fail together - and fail we must if we ever want to learn from our mistakes and become stronger, better and sexier writers.

The Final Question of My First Post Ever

So will you fail with me?